The Beauty & Beast of Square One
Before I was anything, I was a writer and storyteller as my first actualized expression of creativity that would eventually lead to opening more of my creative portals - or at the very least what would allow me to release all the magic I didn’t know was inside me. I always felt that writing brought me some kind of peace and granted me the comfort that if I could write it down then I’d be okay. Whether it was poetry, journal entries or think pieces on the things I questioned about the world, If I could just put words to my thoughts and organize those words in a way that would impact others then I knew all would be well. Such a strange feeling as a kid to be using pen and paper to manifest a different life way before I could understand what I was doing. What I didn’t do was feel bad the first time I wrote in my diary or my first poem- I just did that shit. It wasn’t a thought of if someone would like it or if it was good enough. At the time, the world didn’t completely have its hands on me so that innocent creative spirit was allowed to be planted in soil untouched and untainted. Now almost 30 years old, who has seen some things and experienced the ebbs and flows of life and what it means to get “older” can honestly say starting from scratch with anything has brought on a bit of anxiety in ways that can sometimes be crippling. Square one isn’t my favorite place to be but I’m wise enough to know it’s exactly where I need to be at this moment. I need to be a student again. I need to possibly be bad at something in the beginning. I need to feel the rush of building something from the ground up again. In that space, freedom lives and sometimes it’s hard to see that until you redirect your mindset and shift the lens.
Everybody wants to be the best at what they’re doing whether it’s starting a creative agency, being an influencer, getting a new role at your job, running a small business or even being a fucking parent - I’m sure no one’s goal is to be a terrible mom or dad. However, the reality is you will never be “perfect” in the sense of never having challenges or not being flawed. I feel that’s what makes us the most human- the understanding that experiencing both the bad and good is what makes us real. We can never know living or appreciate it if we don’t know death. You can’t know joy and not know sadness, fear, or anger. We prioritize our health because we to a certain extent have experienced some form of sickness or health ailments. With all that being said, I am writing this from Square 1 in many aspects of my life, not just business or creative -wise. What each pocket of life where I am simultaneously starting over and continuing my journey has taught me is the calm of not knowing. Not knowing how shit will turn out. Not knowing if everything you’ve prepared and planned for will be worth all the things it took to do it. This is why I started this blog. If you’ve been around, you know I had a blog called Black Sugah and that was my outlet to get thoughts out around my experience as a Black woman and allow others to share their stories as well. For so long I fought myself on why I let the blog and all the work I put in fall to the wayside. However, I am in a space where I don’t wanna fight me anymore. I don’t want to be at war with myself over decisions and honestly just life being life.
I’ve always known I have to turn thoughts into words, that’s how I narrate my own process and journey. It’s a keepsake of my creative madness and hopefully all the chaos will help someone else. So while I’m excited about this new endeavor and providing the services to the world.... I am way more hyped up about writing again with the same rawness and clarity I had once before because let's be foreal - Imma forever talk my shit. I hope it encourages you to talk yours.
- Ash the Alchemist :)
